Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Thanks, But No Thanks.

It was a clear, cold, quite night, the moon shone pure silver over farmer Yanki’s barn.

A quite rustle could be heard as the turkeys started congregating towards the barn. Imported wheel-barrels were double parked outside, and the excitement could be felt in the air.

It was the annual meeting of the turkey knokers who had come from all over to mull over, and contemplate what could be done to stop these American influences that were spreading throughout the farms especially this goyishe minhag, this absolute narishkeit of Thanksgiving and of course what to do with the never ending problem of today’s youth, and all other subsequent issues.

I mean how many times must we explain that a turkey is supposed to act like a decent turkey “fin diy haym”, not like todays crazy feigalach? An elderly turkey was saying.

And the housing it was ridiculous! A little coop in the middle of the farm was going for a kings ransom! Yenta Turkey exclaimed while trying to get into her gloriously expensive feather coat.

Education! Our young ones need to be able to provide for a family! Shouted one turkey, while adjusting the “shmooz” magnet on his late model, but slightly dented wheel-barrel with New Jersey plates that he really didn’t need “davkeh”, it was just mamesh a mitziyeh, and yeah my shver took out a second mortgage to pay for it. I mean not every one is made for kollel!

These self important turkeys knew what to do, they had the answers to all of the problems the turkey community faced around the world, and every year they came to Farmer Yanki’s barn for this important “asiyfeh”

Farmer and Mrs. Yanki were away at the Agudah Convention, they had gotten free tickets as they did every year from the milk distributors, and were more then happy to go. The topics really didn’t matter as long as somebody else was milking the cows, and gathering the eggs, they were happy. Little did they know that back at the farm the chickens, or in this case the turkeys were running the coop.

There were round table discussions, square table discussions, late night tea parties, early morning daf yomi parties, the program was designed to keep every turkey busy from Thursday night till Sunday afternoon.

One of the important topics was politics. Was the president really a friend of the turkeys? Avadeh he issued a presidential pardon, but was it real? I mean how can we know if the Turkeys really did get let off the hook? (so to speak)
Have they ever been interviewed by Nachum Seagull? Have we ever heard anything from them? Might it all just be bull chips, (excuse my Hungarian) maybe they get the pardon, but were then shipped directly to Perdue!

The discussions went on and on.

Sunday came along, the turkey chasan warbled his final note, the feather coat struggle ensued once again and the wheel-barrels were warming up as they said their goodbyes.

Contently they hit the dirt road back to their little farms, “another great weekend”, Yenta turkey gobbled to Mr. Turkey on the way home to five-farms. “We discussed all the terrible problems that plague our community, we bashed American culture, solutions? Oh it’s the thought that counts; the main thing is we make an effort.”

And with a sagely nod of Mr. Turkey’s head, this story ends.

We have the privilege of living in a country that has allowed us the freedoms to do basically as we choose.

We are not persecuted, we have section 8 and food stamps, and don’t forget the per child tax credit, what could be better?

We live in a country were we are not only enabled, but encouraged to go to self-importating meetings, to discuss the various issues, or non-issues, to further our causes, our rights, our collective voice.

A little bit of appreciation to the flag that waves gently yet firmly at any hint of oppression, or degradation in my opinion is to be commended.

This Thursday is Thanksgiving, what are your thoughts?


At 11:53 PM, Anonymous haise yiddene said...

Amazing post as ushual
Keep them coming!

At 1:34 PM, Blogger yingerman said...

I love a good story, especially if it's about food.
Talking about food, Jews have never had it so good as we do in the 'madina shel chesed'.

I think we should celebrate this year by:
1 attending an aguda convention on burning the bugs in the water.
2 attending an OU convention on burning (just perfectly) all sortsa wierd, but newly discovered to be kosher, food.
3 attending an auto-da-fe convention burning 'hot chanie's old wardrobe.

See ya there!

At 6:08 PM, Blogger Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Don’t like to chirp like the typical ‘yenta’ in the hen, but I can’t resist pointing out your made-to-order first turkey. Seems your ego appetite is bein’ fed alright…heys!

I’m not sure that I need to say this, but being Frum Chassidic is not about doing everything that’s not a “no”, rather it’s about not doing anything that is not a “yes”. Unfortunately, that involves never introducing new traditions (or accepting it by others), even if it only seems fair that we do so. I find this part of our lifestyle very disturbing, but I live with it. If I’d try to fix this fundamental problem I wouldn’t start by imposing another mission on the already very busy baal habasta. We do so put feathers into all our dishes, yknow…

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Chaim Chusid said...


Does spousy know about “Hot Chanie”?

An “auto-da-fe” I love the dramatics!

Madame S. Sockschild-

I am sure your cook wouldn't mind one more bird in the oven.

About those new traditions, you do have a good point, that certainly is the rationale.

I am trying to think of a tradition that we adopted, toiveled, and call our own, but I am having a minor mental block. I am sure somebody here can think of one.

I remain,

At 8:49 PM, Blogger Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Dear Remainder,

I suggest you go a little easy on all the courtesies as before long I'll have myself convinced that the socks you're so often referring to are worn on my arms, accomponied by 18th century pettycoats.
I do so feel like a lady here.

As for the bird the cook's ordered, I must say I really enjoy your posts and regret that the raw threads you touch on never turn into the zaftig debates. There.

I'm thinkin'. Hm. Outside technology I come up with nottin we adapted!

At 12:08 AM, Blogger heimishinbrooklyn said...

Great writing style. My thoughts? Too late to think straight for any. But I do know I surely enjoy your posts.

At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's been a while since I've read such a good post. Thanks.
Shpitzle, I've always said that to say "m'toor nisht" iz nisht ah kintz, but to say "m'meyg yuh" and to find the source of the heter, now that takes talent because that would require one to possess Torah knowledge. It's very easy to be farfrumt, but farmfrumt is exactly that - FAR from FRUM.


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