Car and Driver

My alarm clock rang at 6:30 this morning, as usual.
My wife growled “shut that thing off!” at 6:45, as usual.
Showered, got dressed, turned on the coffer maker, and looked for my car keys, out of the house at 7:15, as usual.
Get to me car and see a fresh dent on the bumper, as usual.
Clench my teeth in frustration, do some quick in-through-the-nose, out-through-the-mouth breathing. I get into the car, take a long slurp of coffee, I am ready to navigate through the inevitable traffic, as usual.

We Chasidim tend to drive fully loaded, top-of-the-line high performance sedans. (Or mini vans, or SUV’s, etc. etc.) Now there is nothing wrong with wanting to drive a nice comfortable car, the problem I have is with the drivers.

You would think that with such snazzy cars their driving would be up to par with what you come to expect from somebody that is paying as much a month for his car as he is his mortgage, namely:
Hands on the wheel at the ten and two position.
Seat belt fastened securely.
Headset firmly attached to skull.
Courteous and friendly disposition.
A little Vivaldi in the background,,, I think you catch my drift.

Had you thought that that was the case you would have been very wrong.

Have you ever been chauffeured in a 25 MPH zone at 72 MPH in a giant Infinity truck, by a driver that is on the phone (no headset), programming his Nav system, and steering with his knees, all the while checking his rearview mirror for any cops?
Let me tell you it is an experience.

A stop sign takes on a whole new meaning, instead of stop, and look to see if there are any cars coming. There is now an amendment to this law. Stop and check on the car in back of you, if his car has more power then yours, you better watch it because he will try to scoot around you.


Is it me or do they teach all new drivers to park-by ear. The process is basically back into a spot ‘till you feel, and preferably hear a solid thump. Pull forward ‘till you experience the same “thump”. Repeat while turning the wheel in any direction until you achieve desired results, which usually is a perfect park about 2 feet away from the curb, and everyone’s bumper has a lovely souvenir of your parking adventure.

Double parking is the norm, if you don’t practice it, they think your nuts.

Stopping in the middle of the street to let your mother in law come to the car and load it up with the carriage you left there last shabbos? Perfectly normal. The line of cars three blocks long in the back of you can wait the “2 seconds” it takes.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of good decent drivers out there as well…… I think……hello?.............Anyone?